It’s Coming From the Inside…
I can’t breathe. Drowning. Tangled up in roots. Grounded up to my ankles with no release. Gasping for air while I struggle to release myself. Everything below pulls me back, but I can see the surface. Bubbles floating pass to where I want to be and life is being stolen right before me. . .and I can’t do anything about it. I feel the tension loosen and it’s my chance to escape but it attacks again holding me with an even firmer grasp. Holding on so tight that my skin is rubbed raw and the blood is crying for me to be devoured. I can’t even scream. People watch from above and see me drowning in my own sin yet all I hear is silence. No one even attempts the rescue. Wake me up! I am numb. Dead inside, alive outside. My heart is screaming, yelling to be released. No one hears me. The spiritual battle is real. I am tormented. I can’t even close my eyes in fear of the darkness or that I might never wake up.
I was trapped in my own sin, feeling no way out. This was me a little over a year ago until a friend weaved his way through the crowd, reached down a hand and helped pull me out. He kept me from drowning. James 1:13-15 states, “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
We set ourselves up for temptation because of our own evil desires and bring death upon ourselves (vs. 15). When we allow outer things to consume us from the inside, it breeds, feeds and grows within us eventually devouring all good and bringing death. Sin tries to control our minds and festers within us, so we have to be careful what we consume. Consume your spirit, soul, heart and mind with love and encouragement. Surround yourself with accountability (Proverbs 12:15). Because remember. . .it’s coming from the inside. “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong got me thinking about what is on my insides that could come out. What goes in, will come out. My true desire is to have Christ come from my inside out. So my prayer is. . .Lord consume me fully!
Ask yourself, what is drowning me and breeding temptation? What can I do differently in the future to avoid these moments or what do I need to remove currently? Where is my accountability?
Accountability is tough…you have to love someone enough to tell them the truth, which is not always what they want to hear. As someone who’s had a lifelong struggle with “people pleasing,” I sometimes have a hard time holding someone else accountable (which is pretty selfish). But I know I want and need it (even when the truth is hard to hear). I pray that we will become the type of Jesus followers who are truly able to speak the truth in love and help each other in times of temptation. Thank you for sharing your heart, Bailey!! I am glad you had a friend that did that for you…
Bailey, thank you so much for this vivid reminder of what it’s like to walk in the dark.”People watch from above and see me drowning in my own sin yet all I hear is silence. No one even attempts the rescue. Wake me up!” Wow. What a statement! I am also glad you had a friend to come to your rescue. You’re awesome and such a joy to be around!Yes, Lord consume me from the inside out!