I Mow My Own Lawn
Independence is more than a way of life for me; it’s a survival skill. I do things for myself because there’s no one else to do them for me (well, many times my awesome brother, Mark, helps me a great deal!). No one balances my checkbook (ha, I mean NO one), nobody pumps my gas, mows my lawn or cleans the toilets in my house. If I want something done, I’m the one to do it. It’s the life of a single. Not complaining…just stating the facts. The nature of the single life demands self-sufficiency. BUT this can unlock a door of self-destruction. Because I take care of myself when it comes to the yard work, bills and decent meal (haha..working on that one), I can easily assume responsibility for ALL of my life. I know what my needs are, and I am capable of meeting them as well on my own. I’m also capable of doing absolutely nothing if I want to. I choose to do things my way and there’s really no one there to protest. Except God, the One who designed me to need Him; the One who knows I’m lost without Him. The One that doesn’t want me to go it alone.
Self-sufficiency is not a new thing NOR is it a struggle exclusive to singles. Humans battle with control even from the earliest days on this fallen planet. Self-sufficiency is scary precisely because it’s subtle. I don’t wake up and consciously decide, “I’m enough”. Instead I make little decisions that quietly say “I don’t need God for this. I’ll be okay”. My heart whispers the words, but my mouth never gives voice to them. I’ll always tell you that I need God. I’ll always tell you that I can’t do anything on my own. But that’s not what I always do. There are too many hours when I choose to live apart from Him.
God never intended for the prize of His creation to wander through life apart from him…on our own. He made us instead to find our home FIRST in Him. We are commanded to remain IN him (John 14:5). Secondly, we have others. God may have created man and woman to join together, but thats not the only institution He designed. He invented the church, the family of believers who are responsible for and accountable to one another. Maybe you need someone to grab your arm and say, “Let me help you”. Maybe you need to give a trusted friend access to the details of your life and have permission to ask tough questions. Maybe you need to meet with someone regularly or go through scriptures together. Maybe you need a phone call every day. You have a potential beast right outside our door – Self-Sufficiency – and unless someone is helping you master it, it might grab you. If you do choose to go it alone, you might not fall into some gross immorality….but it’s possible. Why take the risk? Don’t go it alone.
Great essay, sis! Balancing doing it for yourself versus God-dependancy is tough. For some of us, I think it’s a lifelong struggle.
Appreciate your well-written perspective. Love ya, girl!