Random Thoughts on Prayer

Posted by herbzabel on Nov 8, 2010 in Daily Bread | 3 comments

What a struggle it has been for me as of lately. To kneel before the Almighty God and try to use words, form sentences, express feelings for some purpose or reason. Truth be told, I have found myself grunting and just trying to breath in my prayer time. My life is so good, yet there is a struggle inside of me for more. More understanding, more knowledge, more patience, more love, and more Jesus. All this comes out of a single, simplified ”want”. I want to do more for Christ. I then compare that “want” to the other ”wants” in my life and then the struggle ensues. So what do I do? I pray. I talk to God, I surrender my frustrations, I yell at the top of my lungs as I’m driving to work. Does it help? Some days I would say no, other days I would say yes, but today I think the answer is always. I am beginning to recognize that prayer is like an exercise in physical therapy helping me to painfully retrain my dormant muscles to do the work they were intended to do. I imagine that someone who has temporarily lost the use of a limb must vocalize the command, “move leg” in order to elicit the response required of their leg. In prayer I go before Jesus and say, “WTH (what the heck)” exhaling my frustrations and lack of understanding in order to get my body to surrender the confusion. In this prayer is therapy. 
 
Then there are times where prayer is the only rational response to the joy I see around me, when I stop being selfish and start seeing God in my life. I can do nothing but thank, thank, thank, because I realize how I am blessed. This recognition of joy makes me pray for strength and passion to share it with others. I pray for opportunities to tell people about Christ. I pray for open hearts to see his love, and I pray for boldness to cross the line of uncomfortable and let my faith flow off my tongue.
 
As I am writing this and analyzing my prayer life I am seeing what prayer is for me, and what I want it to become. For me, prayer is not a moment in my day that I commune with God. It is just something I do all day long in trying to get through this thing called life. Sadly, what prayer is not for me, is a time where I listen and rest in God speaking to me. This is my selfish nature taking over. I am the spoiled child demanding the attention of the Almighty Father. I tug on His pant leg when he is in the middle of a serious conversation with someone else, just so I can come up with a question of irrelevance when He finally turns to me.
 
“God, God, God, God”…..I said
“Yes, Herb, what do you want? What is so important that requires my immediate attention?”….God said.
“Uh…ummm…well, do you….uh…I mean…..do you still love me.” I ask, not really having anything else to say.
“Yes, Herb. I always have and I always will.” smiles God.
 
At least that is how it goes in my head. But God is the ever patient parent. He’s got this! By ”this” I mean my life. He’s got it and I am the one having all the problems with that. I stumble and struggle with words and actions, but He sees the big picture. He sees where I am going, and what I will do for his kingdom so long as I live in obedience.
 
So that is prayer. Not always clean and pretty, but always talking to God.
 
And this is what prayer should be more of….listening to God’s response….something I am still working on.