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Convict Us
When I look back on this summer, I think it will be known in my family as the summer Jen was disgruntled. You name it – I’ve complained about it. The heat, work, lack of time, lack of sleep, extended family members, whine, whine, blah, blah, blah. In general, if I didn’t get my way, I made sure those closest to me heard about it.
I have one family member whose stance on salvation is unresolved. The weight of it, the years of self-imposed baggage, the emotion caught up with me this summer. In July I was confronted with the only prayer I had left to give God (and frankly should have been my starting point) – “Holy Spirit, convict his heart.” Now, if you don’t know me – I’m a complete control freak, a planner; I don’t like change or surprises. Praying this prayer faithfully has been the easy part. Believing it and waiting patiently on the Lord has been the hard part.
Well, about a week went by and I realized I needed to be praying this prayer for the conviction of MY heart. That’s a scary proposition, because I don’t like change, I’m comfortable, predictable, etc. But it’s also an acknowledgement that I’ve become stagnant, too comfortable, not wanting and thirsting for Him. I’ve been trusting more in me – and really, when faced with who is better at directing my steps – God or Jennifer – it’s comical that I voted for me.
Whether believer or unbeliever, if you are isolated from God, discontentment is the only result. Conviction of our hearts cannot occur if we are not living in accordance with God. So the prayer continues. For my family member. For myself. I humbly ask you to consider praying this same prayer. I believe regardless of what stage of your Christian walk you are in, God is honored and will use it to work to His good. May we all live in accordance with the Spirit.
Jen:
Thanks for reminding us that changes starts with us first. Thanks for your great family, and how all of you bless the body at CCC.
I’m a control freak too. I am so judgemental in thinking the problem is everyone else when the problem is me. I will pray this prayer and I should pray it often. Thanks, Jen.
Thanks Jen.Now I know why God gave Chuck to be your husband.What a great fit. Thank for the reminder to cry out to the Holy Spirit. I will!
Bill Bennett, the former Education Secretary, was asked by a caller on his radio show the other day, “how can I have faith if I just don’t believe in God?” He answered by quoting someone else, (whom, I don’t remember). “Give alms, pray and don’t have a vested interest in disbelief.” It’s the last one third of his response that I’ve been chewing on for a few days. And I would link it to your thoughts.
At the times that I’ve chosen to distance myself from God it is for a reason – that I have a “vested interest” in something other than the desires of the Spirit. It’s my private special interest in protecting what I believe is working for my own personal advantage. This is where idol becomes a 21st century problem for me. I allow my own ideas about what is advantageous for me to replace God himself. Seems like an outrageous pursuit when placed next to the Spirit controlled life God intends, doesn’t it? Thanks for your candor.
I meant to say “idol worship” in mid-paragraph above.
That is certainly never a fun prayer to pray in the moment, but God certainly answers and it is always amazing on the other side.
Jen,
Thanks for your openness and honesty in sharing your heart on this. As you know, I have a good friend that I have been praying for lately as well, and I have really found that I have brought myself to the point of paralysis by trying too hard to figure out how I’m going to save him (how ridiculous is that? Talk about a control freak!). I’m going to take your advice and pray this over him, and more importantly myself, and sit back and watch as the only one who can save him does HIS work.
Thanks for being such a great friend and example to me and my family.
Love ya,
Kevin
Jen, thanks for opening up the window on your life for all of us to see and to learn from your example. I have a few days scheduled with family this weekend and have been trying to come up with the right “approach” and the right “things to day” and the right “timing”, etc., etc. in speaking with a family member who I have been praying for to come to Christ. Your message was just what I needed to hear today. Thanks!
Jen, thanks for reminding me where to put my trust. I am the definition of “control freak” and need to be reminded to put my trust completely in Him more and more each day. Must be the lesson that God is trying to teach us right now. Thanks for being there and being such a great friend.