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Prayer & Relationships
How do we know how to pray for each other if we really don’t know each other. This past Monday, Jen Overly led our CCC staff meeting. Jen is a great writer, and wrote something just for the staff. I’ve asked Jen if I could share this with you. She said yes. It’s a little longer than most Feed One Another entries, but it is definitely worth it. Enjoy!
"I know I talk a lot about Circleville, enough that it is a running joke around here. But the longer I am away from there, the more I realize what a wonderfully unique childhood I had. I guess I just assumed that everyone is still friendly with the people they went to Kindergarten with, but I have learned that is particularly unique. There was a part in Red Moon Rising that really struck a chord with me. It fit perfectly with some conversations that I have been having the last few weeks.
Pg. 146 "Zinzendorf described them as this, ‘The societies called bands, consist of a few individuals who met together in the name of Jesus…who converse together in a particularly cordial and childlike manner, on the whole state of their hearts, and conceal nothing from each other, but who have wholly committed themselves to each other’s care in the Lord.’"
I love this. This feels right to me. Being totally transparent for the sake of committing to each other in the Lord. It is community like I have not had since I moved to Atlanta. I remember telling Bryan as we were driving down here, that if I didn’t have any friends in a year it was my own fault. But that was on the heals of my wedding night, where I left my friends of 26 years in a heap of tears and tissues in a hotel room as I headed down I-75. So I knew I would be sulking and I didn’t want him to let me use that as an excuse.
I think I know nice people, but I haven’t found what I left behind. When you grow up with someone, you learn their motives. They have seen you at your worst, hanging your head out of the car window, puking up too much red wine on the way home from your ex-boyfriend’s sister’s wedding. They have also seen you at your best, graduating from college with a degree in education after being on the 6 and a half -year plan. And they have seen everything in between and want nothing else from you but for you to be you. My friend Aimee came down a few weeks ago and spent 4 days in my house. We lived together during my student teaching and for the year before I left. She automatically knew where my silverware would be and had never stepped foot in my home. She functioned perfectly with my family and my kids, and I could not have asked for a bigger breath of fresh air. I could literally feel my guard being lowered. But what Aimee and I don’t share is a strong faith-based relationship. We have probably been to church together 4 times. 3 weddings and when she came down last month she visited Cumberland. We don’t necessarily talk about Jesus, maybe she reads the Wonatta Times, maybe not, but we have a more transparent relationship than I have with any Christian here that I have known for 10 years.
So today I invited you to my home. I didn’t tidy up for you anymore than I would have on any other Monday. I am positive there are piles of dog hair on the floor and under the couch, and if you drop your bagel I wouldn’t eat it. I didn’t hide my stacks and piles and unopened mail. I didn’t put the wine in the pantry, I left it on the counter where I keep it all the time. I desire, more than anything to be able to let my guard down and be transparent for the sake of accountability in the Lord. This is my life. I want a clean house, but sometimes I just watch Project Runway while I paint my toenails instead of cleaning. I want to read cool books and be intellectual, but sometimes I just watch Project Runway while I paint my toenails.
I had the pleasure of spending 4 hours in tight quarters with Kirsten Groff on Saturday as we painted Anicka’s bedroom. They leave on Tuesday for Russia and are desperately trying to finish some house projects before they leave. Kirsten and I skipped most of the small talk and dove right into our childhoods as we covered Anicka’s walls with a fresh coat of buttery yellow. We usually start there when we are together and then take turns continuing our stories as the conversation leads us. We eventually ended up with her telling about a new group of women who have surrounded her at this time and she made an interesting observation. She said, "we can be eating pie and talking about the most intimate issues of our lives in the first 10 minutes we are together. We quickly get to the heart of the matter and don’t spend a lot of time on small talk."
That reminds me of the phrase that Zinzendorf used, "converse together…on the whole state of their hearts." That is where I would like to head today; to the whole state of your heart for the sake of being transparent for accountability in the Lord.
After we left church the morning Aimee was here, she said, "Everyone is so nice. I can see why they are such a big part of your life." Yes, they are nice. How very southern of them. But I think today, we push the envelope from nice to real. What is the condition of your heart? Are you fearful? Content? Bored? Grumpy? Sneezy? Indifferent? Maybe you have hit a wonderful time in your ministry. maybe in your marriage. Maybe it takes an act of God just to get you out of bed in the morning.
Do you find transparency at CCC? In your community group or elsewhere? Do you share the condition of your heart with others? The "whole state" of you hearts concealing nothing from each other?
I think our lack of transparency binds the rhythmic movement that is possible in Ephesians 4:16
How can we pray for each other when we don’t know the condition of each of our hearts?
Read Psalm 139, Mark 12:32, Col. 2:2, or anything else you want that will help you look into your heart and take inventory."
I think the quality of relationship you describe here gets better and easier with practice.
For me, church had been a place to conceal my real self. How foreign this is to what Jesus intended for his body! It took a lot of disappointment, personal upheaval and time for me to stop trying to be guarded and “churchy” and perfect. If I have to be something that is contrived at church, I’m not at all interested in hanging out. There is no greater chafing on my soul than those caused by the mask I wear when I pose as a “perfect one”.
The very act of reading your words is liberating to me. Thanks, my sister. (Too churchy? Sorry.)
Thanks Alan/Jen for sharing this.
We all have a core longing to have relationships where we can be totally real, and share our whole hearts…concealing nothing. It’s a tall order, but I’m pretty sure God meant for us to have that within the church. Maybe not with everyone, but with at least a few. Part of that comes if and when we trust that people will love us (hold us accountable, yes, but still love and accept us) even knowing our weakness, our quirks, and our less-than-attractive qualities. Heck, I’m not sure if I accept my own, so it’s sometimes hard to believe others will.
Jon, loved your expression about the “chafing on your soul” caused by wearing masks. So very true.
This is why I don’t wear make up or dress up for church. Church should be the place where you get relief from that mask that you feel you have to wear in so many other avenues of this life. It should be a place where you can relax and let your guard down. If you can’t be accepted for who you are by Jesus followers at church, where can you?