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But if you try sometimes, you just might find…
Have you ever been in-between? You know, in-between jobs, in between relationships, in-between houses, in-between stages of life, in-between selves? My old self seemed so useful. He helped me survive some tough times and pushed me through some accomplishments. But he was so dark, so cynical, so full of fear and self-pity, so in a hurry to get nowhere, and so quiet and ashamed. As the Holy Spirit continues to work in me, the negative aspects of my character continue to transform into artifacts from a not so distant time and a not so distant man.
When I read Luke 24:1-3, I am reminded of those times when God rolled away what used to be and left me staring into an empty space. At first I wondered what was coming to replace what had been removed. I like to project my want of prosperity on God at times like these saying “Okay Jesus now that I’m not so cynical and full of self-pity, how about a nice cash reward?”; or my need of control saying “Now how about changing the people I love into who I want them to be?” In more desperate times I just say, “Where are you Lord, why aren’t you here?” Fortunately, God has plans that transcend my attempts at coercion, my wants, and my emptiness.
Into the emptiness where my shortcomings used to be has come something far greater than all of my desires. Grace. Grace often fills me up on Wednesday morning driving to work, while I watch my daughter sleep, or when the sun rises on the first day of the week, very early in the morning. This is the same grace that was extended to Mary Magdalene and later Peter, even in his denials of Jesus. The Grace of God waited for me in the years before Christ, and it invites me now, so gently summoning my acquiescence. During the in-between times, I try to wait joyfully for the risen Lord to appear again, as He often does in the moments I least expect Him.
Matt,
I am on the Feed One Another (FOA) email subscription and was about to shut down for the night until your post came thru. Wow! What a direct hit… “you sunk my battleship!” I am constantly amazed, inspired, and encouraged by the “no holds barred” transparency of my bro’s and sisters at CCC – Cumberland Community Church. My CCC is Christ Covenant Church in Matthews, NC.
Thank you for allowing God to use your devotion and His word to transcend my situation. I am actually “in between” jobs at the moment and today has been such a “God” day – and not just because it’s Sunday. I led worship for our 8:00am service this morning and was able to hear the same sermon from two different pastors, each with his own personal illustrations – and man did it seem directed at me – both times. And then in Sunday school in between both sermons, we were discussing John Piper’s book, “Don’t Waste Your Life”. Your devotion seemed to echo some of each of what I’ve been chewing on all day. Some from the sermon, regarding what God has done for us in that He has “sealed” – His seal of approval covers our shame, forever.
And the discussions from Piper’s book reiterated God’s grace in a multitude of situations in different people’s lives. I am overwhelmed… with God’s personal touch in my life…
Our past is not a limitation for the true God.
I was also reminded of God’s Grace and Goodness on Sunday. I fell to my knees and cried tears of joy because of what God has brought me through.
I’m only 26 and people wouldn’t think I’ve been through much. One glance and you would see that God has given me a wonderful husband, has provided a nice place to live and two loving kittens that I adore.
But my start in life was fairly rocky, I was kidnapped by my own father around the age of 2. We went into hiding for the next 4 years. Yes, I was a milk carton kid. Still have a poster somewhere in my storage unit showing my face as a part of the Missing Children’s Network. My father was a closet abuser, I would endure abuse behind closed doors while on the outside we were missionaries. Moving around bringing God’s love to the lost.
How contradicting and hypocritical is that? I think Satan would have used my past to turn me against the Church, against God. But God’s Grace is bigger then that.
The FBI found me just before the age of 7, they arrested my father and sent me to live in a foster care home until my mom was awarded custody.
My parents had divorced because of religion. My mom changed in her beliefs from that of my dad’s and because my mother believed more charismatically then he did my father swore she was a demon worshipper.
I’m not sure why I’m sharing all this. Really, I carry no shame of my past. Maybe God wants someone to read this and know that shame has no place when we abide in Him. I have seen God bring me through many things. I can testify that He is Faithful and Good through all things. He is I am.
I am reminded of Dr. Larry Crabb, in his book Inside Out:
“When we fail to face our deep disappointment and relational sin, then the best we can manage is superficial change.”
When people in the past have hurt us we can remember God uses the broken. Psalm 51
“You have failed to love me as you should and I have failed to love you. Your failure to love me is painful, sometimes profoundly disappointing. But the Lord’s love for me is perfect. Although His Love does not remove the sting of your failure, it gives me all I need to stand as a whole person, capable of loving you regardless of the threat of your further failure.” – Crabb
First of all – thanks to the both of you for being so open and sharing your lives with us.
I don’t have a great story to tell. I was raised to be married. My Mother and Grandmother both believed that to be true. A woman’s place is at home to raise her kids and support the family at home. So, I went with that. When I finished High School, I never thought about College. Everything that I did was done in a way to meet “my husband”. While in a class at church “Missionettes”
, I developed a friendship with anther girl that met the man of her dreams and was about to be married. That is what I wanted to I clung to her. I met her Brother and persued him until we were married. I lived with my parents up until the day I was married. Steve and I were never physical until after we were married, in fact, we did not even kiss on the lips until the preacher said, “you may now kiss your bride”. What a day. Steve was in charge our our family and took care all things financial. I figured that was his job. One day hw told me that God said we should move to Atlanta, I went with it. We moved within 24 hours. I thought it was all very romantic.
Truth was, he spent all the money we had and then started stealing money from work. He opened multiple bank accounts within one week and took the same $100 dollars and moved it from bank to bank in order to keep writing checks that we were not able to cover. When we moved it was because Steve was being persued bu the authorities for imbezzelment. The authorites started asking my parents questions about our whereabouts and I begged her not to tell them. I kept telling her that surely it was a mistake. We lived a great life. We has the best of everything. Great homes, great cars, tons of “stuff”. How could this be true.
Of course we drifted apart and I was angry. Steve was never home and when he was, he was not really there. I thought that having a baby would make things better. Who was I fooling. I did have a baby boy who is now 12. Steve and I are no longer together. Steve has spent about three years in jail and is about to be released.
The reason to my story, I am lost right now. I have a son who has not seen his Father since he was 8. Christian Lee has changed so much in the past years that I am not sure how to handle that relationship when Steve returns. I also feel like I am damaged goods now. I still want to be in love and have a Godly marriage. I am being told though that no man can marry me now without it being trouble for him. I am 40 years old with a lot of baggage.
I am hoping for a new road this season. I don’t want to start over, I know that my life is what it is for a reason. I just want a new road to walk down. I want to not worry so much.
I experience God mustly when I am writing(as you can see). I find myself starting to write about my day and then I get answers to long awaiting issues, ways that I can help those around me. I write sometimes for hours and I enjoy the conversation that happens.
Candy, God loves you just the way you are. You are NOT damaged goods. Your trials have been for some purpose perhaps you will never know why, perhaps your sharing will help and encourage someone else. There is a season for everything and everyone. I didn’t get married until I was 53 and that was worth waiting for the best man to come along. Then there were health issues… but what’s important is that God loves us, carries us, even when we don’t recognize he has us in His hands. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Faye and Matt for opening your heart too.
Thanks Matt! I think God gives us the” in between” so that we can see the not so” in between” in the near future, and most of all trust in Him to get us to the next point. I think He does this on purpose. If we didn’t have the “in between” we would never realize how good it is when you come out of it, and I think its more God’s timing than our own. There are no accidents with God and those “in between” times are for a much bigger purpose. Grace is the only thing that keeps me ticking-TOTAL forgiveness and acceptance. My past is not an accident and when I think once about something negative or regretful -I know that is not from God-it is the bad guy! The cross is much larger, much larger than we can comprehend …..b/c it would be much easier to accept that grace if we fully comprehended it!!!!!!
2 Timothy 1:8-10
Paul writes:
“So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.”
God has saved each of us for His own purpose, through grace. He will fulful that purpose: “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever.” Psalm 138:8
Thanks so much Matt(Faye and others) for your words. Clearly God is not only moving in your life, but because of your transparency and honesty He’s impacting others through you. You challenged me and blessed me by pointing me back to Christ and the incredible life He’s blessed me with (despite…errr, through my version of “in between” life funk) through his grace and death on the cross. Thanks again.
Also, it’s great to have you and Alexandria at CCC. I’ll have to officially introduce myself to you…we may be distant cousins – my maternal g’mother was a Forrester by way of Florida and South Carolina.
Matt, God has done an awesome job in writing your testimony! The Matt I know is not the Matt you were, you have grown and now live in Him. Rejoice and be glad in the “in between” now…. God has great plans for you, brother, and I for one can’t wait to see what they are!